Self fulfilled prophecy?

I am starting this blog to release all of these thoughts that are swimming in my head...drowning out all of the other thought that might bubble up if these thoughts were not there.  Josh, the husband, is dealing with this journey completely differently from me which is making it increasingly harder to digest.

When I am alone with my thoughts, when I start analyzing the road I took to get to this point, when I continue to over-think EVERYTHING, I usually end up at the same logical idea: is this a self fulfilled prophecy? 

1. When I was 17 I was told that my uterus was totally wack and that getting pregnant would be difficult.  Now, I was 17 and could not really care at that time in my life, but I tucked it away to bring back to the surface some 12 years later. (Dr. Bopp says this was ridiculous and would not effect my fertility)
2. When I was 20 I was told I had an overgrowth of bacteria in my vaginal cavity and that there was a possibility it traveled up my fallopian tubes and scared them making it difficult to get pregnant. (Dr. Bopp says this is crap and HIGHLY unlikely)
3. From the age of 17 to about 22 I was on the Depo-Provera birth control shot and after reading a few blogs on the shot's side effects (one being infertility) I stopped getting the injections.  It took 18 months for me to get my periods back. (Dr. Bopp could not lay to rest this fear.)

The shit of it is that even though I told Josh when we were still dating that I might not be able to conceive a child and it was an issue that I always acknowledged...up front about with him and to myself, I don't think that I ever really believed it.  Almost like I was planning for the worst but never really expected the worst to actually happen.  I know this because after 3 years of "not preventing" pregnancy and then being classified as having a "fertility" problem, I was pretty much devastated, and in a state of denial and shock.  But...STILL...did not really accept the fact that we would not have a baby...that I would not be pregnant.  A little insight into my current psyche, I still do not believe this.  Which, might be my undoing if this saga does not result in the ever elusive baby Judd.  Hope is a tricky thing...when do you know when you have crossed the line over to delusional?  For now though, I think that I reside safely on the side of healthy, optimistic HOPE!